Could you put your cell phones down while we talk, please?
No, I'm serious. Guys, put down the phones. In fact, turn off the ringers; I want your undivided attention. Come on, and the notifications too. Honestly, guys. Just shove them under a pillow or something and don't look at them. Five minutes. That's all I ask. I promise the resulting twitching will stop eventually.
Where do I even start? I'm mostly very proud of you two. You're both starting to grow up to become mature young adults. I can't wait to support you guys as you try new things, stretch your comfort zones, and hopefully not end up like Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber. Thaddeus, you just made the football team, which will teach you discipline, the values of teamwork, and what two or three undiagnosed concussions feel like. Abigael, you've dived head first into your art classes and been involved in a lot of neat stuff. I'm so proud of your ability to express yourself in such unique ways, even if it will most likely interfere with your ability to pay rent for decades to come.