Saturday, May 21, 2011

Maybe We Should Have Paid More Attention to Grandpa...

Like a double your money back guarantee? (Image)
 Aging is a part of life.  As the years pass, we share new experiences, gain new knowledge, and learn about the meaning of life and our place in this world.  This place where we ultimately decide we belong depends largely on how our mind is molded in our earlier life.  And with every year that goes by this line of thinking shifts and solidifies until, in most cases, our ability to reason rationally disintegrates into an amorphous mess of disconnected thoughts, wrinkles, and often times endearing far-off stares.  And drooling.

Near the end, our opinions are unwavering and concrete, and our deep-rooted prejudices towards the minorities who bombed our countries half a century ago are accepted.  And eventually, we start dropping like flies.  Like an old man at my local McDonald's once said: "When you're my age, reading the obituaries is like going to a party, because all your friends are there."  He also said, "When I was a kid I used to climb on top of my garage and pretend I was a hawk, except I didn't use the umbrella."  Although, to this day, I haven't the foggiest idea what he was talking about.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Trump Fires Himself from Presidential Bid, Purchases English Language

We have linguists hidden in his comb-foward, and you won't believe what they're finding (Image).
The 2012 Republican Primary race continued to take shape today after high-profile candidate and real estate mogul Donald Trump decided that his public service would no longer be required.

The announcement comes just two days after front-runner Mike Huckabee decided that he would also bow out of the race.

Trump, who made the announcement in a press release Monday morning, cited his love for business, and his unwillingness to leave the private sector at this point in time as his reasons for withdrawing his potential candidacy.

"This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country," Trump said in the press release.

Trump, who is rumored to have recently purchased the paraphrasing rights to the English language, is now contractually unobligated to specify that "ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls" means that he has plummeted in recent polls and now hovers near the bottom of the pack of GOP contenders.