An
area turkey was reportedly seen wandering around aimlessly today wondering where
the hell everybody went.
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The
turkey, who goes by Marty, says that he has fallen out of touch with many of
his friends and family over the past weeks and months, and in recent days has
not seen or heard from anyone.
“It’s
to the point that I’m wondering if I’m actually supposed to be a migratory bird
and no one ever told me,” Marty said to reporters today while not covered in
gravy. “Every year when the leaves
change and it begins to get cold all of my peers seem to start disappearing.”
Marty,
whose giblets were still securely housed within his body, has reportedly sought
information from others in the avian community, but has largely been met with
silence and cold shoulders, but surprisingly, is currently not being served
with a side of mashed potatoes.
“I
haven’t seen my friend Andy in over two weeks,” Marty continued with a voice that
was not muffled by cranberry sauce. “Last
I heard from him he was suffering from paranoia, hiding in an attic whispering
vague warnings about someone wanting to put him in an oven. Just complete nonsense, you know?”
When asked how he felt about his current situation, Marty
was dejected, stating that he found it tough to imagine having a worse day than
he was today as he walked away from reporters and a gust of wind blew his blaze
orange hat from atop his head.
A few seconds later, several cars were heard backfiring in rapid succession.
A few seconds later, several cars were heard backfiring in rapid succession.
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