Important Haiku About The Week's News
I had shit to do
this week. Write your own goddamn
Friday, February 10, 2012
|MMMMM...Frothy... (Credit: Gage Skidmore)|
Our Frothy Future President?
Santorum wins three
states. I guess no one in those
states have Googled him...
To Stop Gay Marriage, Go Straight to the Source
Prop 8 overturned.
Husbands, wives agree to stop
making gay babies.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Links provided for those who don't think they can get the whole story in only 17 syllables (...this is why the Japanese are better than us).
White Guilt History Month Weather Report
Phil predicts six more
winter weeks, runs from shadow.
Shadows are Black. Racist.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
|The weather-predicting badger, likely defecating behind a plant (Image)|
The badger, who doesn't have a name, because he's a fucking badger, is disputing Phil's prediction this year on the grounds of flawed prediction methods and historical inaccuracy.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
|I think Punxsutawney Phil just stared into my soul and made it shit itself (Image)|
Groundhog Day, a tradition that has taken an especially firm stranglehold on the small community of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania since 1886, relies on whether or not local groundhogs see their shadow upon exiting their burrows on the morning of February 2nd. On a deeper level, the tradition's foundation teeters precariously on whether or not a groundhog understands what a shadow is.
Many mammals compete to be the face of Groundhog Day. Those vying for the holiday spotlight (...the Sun) include Wiarton Willie from Ontario, Shubenacadie Sam from Nova Scotia, Staten Island Chuck, Bill Murray, and the "Prairie Prognosticator" Balzac Billy, whose name sounds suspiciously like a scrotum.