Thursday, July 4, 2013

How to Be More American Than Your Friends



Be as American this bald eagle today. (Image)

It’s almost Independence Day.

And on Independence Day almost 240 years ago, our Founding Fathers scrawled their signatures onto a document and implored both current and future citizens of this great nation to embrace freedom and independence from a country that has never seen a piece of land it didn’t want to invade.  Over two centuries later, we celebrate this schism from the British on July 4th with all things that are quintessentially American.

Keeping with tradition, the holiday is typically celebrated with three things unfailingly characteristic of the country: grilling meat, American flags, and explosions.  However, in recent years, I’ve noticed people around me trying to take their patriotism to the next level.  They are the inevitable one guy or girl who didn’t think it was enough to wave a tiny flag or have some red, white, and blue in their clothing’s color scheme.  Instead, they show up wearing leather American flag leggings or duck tape two Budweiser’s to the side of their star-spangled Ray Bans in an effort to prove that your meager Holiday Patriotism isn’t fit to sniff their Holiday Patriotism’s farts.